Fillable Printable Sarita and Bir Bahadur’s Love Letters
Fillable Printable Sarita and Bir Bahadur’s Love Letters
Sarita and Bir Bahadur’s Love Letters
appendix b
Sarita and Bir Bahadur’s Love Letters
Letter #1
[End of Jet
.
, 2049]
Dear Sarita,
Warm love.
Life is an infinite circle. I find that it has not been possible at any time to
have enlightenment ever since that day when you [tapa˜ı] and I had our
“introduction.” In the whole “world” there must be few individuals who do
not bow down to love. Sarita, I’m helpless, and I have to make friends of a
notebook and pen in order to place this helplessness before you. Love is the
sort of thing that anyone can feel—even a great man of the world like Hitler
loved Eva, they say. And Napoleon, who with bravery conquered the “world,”
united it, and took it forward, was astounded when he saw one particular
widow. Certainly, history’s pages are colored with accounts of such
individuals who love each other. In which case, Sarita, I’ll let you know by a
“short cut” what I want to say: Love is the union of two souls. The “main”
meaning of love is “life success.” I’m offering you an invitation to love. If you
are capable of accepting it, then accept; otherwise, in this, my time of
suffering and life’s last moment, please return this revealing letter.
I have tried on many occasions to offer you an invitation to love, but there
was no good time. Sarita, from the day I first saw you I gave you a place in my
heart. Finally, waiting for a long time and even until life’s last, ultimate limit in
hope of a letter etched by your physical body, I take leave with uncertainty.
Bir Bahadur
b1
VVV
Letter #2
Date: 2049/3/5
Time: Around 11:00 at night
Place: In a deserted room
Dear Sarita,
Extremely pleasant remembrances.
In particular: Actually, there is no news or novel presentations that must
be written. Because you didn’t return but instead accepted the first love letter
I have ever written in my life, giving a “reply” in a contented manner, I am
distinctly grateful. I received the “reply” you gave only today, so I couldn’t
finish a “second letter” before this. Yes, Sarita, love is not life’s means for
titillating trickery; one must love truly and actually. And so, let’s do so, and
let’s keep doing so. Let’s neither of us engage in deceitful actions. My true
thoughts are none other than that. This is only the “second letter” of my life.
Sarita, also give me your photo, okay? All right, Sarita, what more should
I write? After writing it’s never finished, so for today I’ll defer. The rest we’ll
discuss slowly when we meet. Awaiting your letter and trusting,
Bir Bahadur
The source of the water coming out of the hills can dry up,
But the tears coming out of my eyes cannot dry up.
You will be able to forget me, perhaps,
But I cannot possibly forget you.
Your friend who remembers,
Bir Bahadur
[In English on first page of stationery:]
’Tis better to have loved and lost
Then [sic] never to have loved at all.
Tennyson
VVV
b2 invitations to love
Letter #3
Date: 2049/3/11
Place: In a deserted room
Time: 11:00 at night
Dear Sarita,
From wretched Bir Bahadur hundreds of thousands of remembrances
and love. I am well; I hope you are well, too.
In particular: Actually, there is no news, or novel presentations, that must
be written, only past memories of you keep tormenting me. Under these
circumstances, I’m going to etch only two or four words. Sarita, love letters,
even without the give and take of conversation, remain in the form of a true
trace until the end of life.
Trust me, you are the first person I have ever loved. Love shouldn’t be
really steady on one side only; it must be steady on both sides. So, love truly,
you also. I, too, will put aside my heart for you as long as my life lasts. Life is
such an understanding of trust that if anyone moves forward to interfere with
you and me, once we show that individual the actuality, it will no longer
happen. Love is not the sort of thing that is the impudent one’s means for
titillating trickery.
Sarita, before today I used to be the sort of person who, upon hearing the
sound of the word love, used not to want it. You also know this.
In our “section” [i.e., class], with the exception of you and Jhili, I have yet
to speak to any other girls.
Sarita, why have I changed so quickly that my own soul can’t even explain
it? Thinking of the relationship between you and me every moment, at all
times, your image keeps appearing. When it’s time to study I make an effort
to forget, but this heart’s beating won’t obey. In this way I’m delayed all night,
and as it gets light I feel like I’ve gone to heaven.
All right, Sarita, there were thousands and thousands of things to write,
but just writing isn’t enough; when we meet it’ll be complete. Saying this
much for today, I’ll defer the rest. Goodbye.
May it not only be in my imagination,
But may your feelings also grow.
Love is not just for today;
May it endure until the very last moment of life.
Bir Bahadur
[In English on first page of stationery:]
Two souls but with a single thought
Two hearts that beat as one.
Anon.
appendix b b3
VVV
Letter #4
Date: 2049/3/16
Time: 12:00 at night
Dear Sarita,
From wretched “B. B.,” heartfelt remembrances. I am well and hope that
you are well, too.
In particular: Actually, there are no new feelings of mind that must be
written, only images of you and my own pitiful agonies make me want to
comfort my heart by writing just two or four words today in this short letter.
Sarita, trust me, I’m not loving you in order to make a game out of your
life. In my life this is the first time I have ever loved, and it’s with you. So, I
don’t know many things. Yes, in your feelings that kind of hesitation may
exist, thinking that I might deceive you, no……?
Make an effort to forget that kind of doubt. Let’s not control each other’s
“life,” making a game out of it. Let’s make an effort to make true promises.
Life will be bright.
Sarita, life is made up of trusting, trusting; without trust nothing will
succeed.
Love is such a thing that between two lovers “life success” occurs. Don’t
you think as if life were desolate. In other words, it’s not enough for only one
person to give true promises. It’s not enough if only one person gives one-
sided love. Both must depend on truth, and only then will it be possible to
find the road to nothing other than success.
Sarita, it seems to me that if two people allow feelings of mistrust and
doubt to come between them, then in such a condition in which fears and
apprehensions torment, love will only be partially complete and will continue
to be so. Therefore, trust me. Yes, I can’t say that I won’t also have such
feelings toward you, but moving those feelings far from me, I am offering you
only true promises and will continue to do so. I’m helpless, Sarita, as long as
you won’t look toward me with feelings of trust. Until then I’ll keep
worrying.
Yes, there may be boys these days who have written letters only in order
to gain experience with girls. I can’t say that’s not so. But the connection
between us binds so strongly that even life’s most terrible cruelty couldn’t
cause a separation. If you also love truly, then there will be truth between us
as well, and if neither of us tries to make a game out of the other’s “life,” then
b4 invitations to love
between us there will certainly be the strongly binding connection of “life
frind” [sic].
The future is bright if we continue to love truly. Wait, and I’ll also wait.
May separation never occur once a union has been created.
I will love you truly. Even if difficult actions torment me, I won’t hesitate
to give up my life for you. If you also want to spend your life together with
me, then certainly the relationship of life friend will bind us strongly for sure.
[crossed out: If you don’t wish to love truly, then, still, nothing’s been broken;
separation can be prevented.] But let’s not turn the future into darkness. I
also want nothing but that; I love you truly. No matter how far away you
might be, certainly you will have success if you create a life friend. Saying this
much, for today I’ll say goodbye. At a future time there will be complete
union. Saying so with hope, goodbye.
Thousands love, it seems,
But let’s keep on loving truly.
Life is an unlimited time, it seems;
Therefore, let’s try not to deceive.
Let’s keep truth steady
No matter how difficult it gets.
Let’s keep on loving truly.
We will certainly create a sign of success.
Waiting in expectation, your faithful
Bir Bahadur
[In English on first page of stationery:]
Two souls but with a single thought
Two hearts that beat as one.
Anon.
VVV
Letter #5
Date: 2049/3/23
Dear Sarita,
From “B. B.” unbreakable remembrances and boundless love.
In particular: A circumstance for clarifying words doesn’t really exist; only
because of past memories of you am I coloring this small piece of lifeless
paper.
Sarita, I am extremely grateful to have received the letter you etched with
appendix b b5
your physical body, and the photo. It seems to me that if there are no actual
feelings between two people who love each other, then until the end of the
lives of those who love each other, no existence remains. Therefore, by means
of just one letter the road of trust cannot be followed because one must
explain one’s own personal matters not only in writing but also verbally. We
have already exchanged many things through letters, but we have never sat at
any place and made our own personal feelings of mind clear and distinct.
Because I’m helpless, let’s sit in some deserted place and talk.
Sarita, trust me; I won’t deceive you. Touching my beating heart, I say that
until my life’s last moment I will keep you in my heart. Now, make an effort
not to put on me the distressing responsibility for the titillating trickery or
deceit of others in matters of love relationships because in my heart I
absolutely despise such titillating trickery and such mimicry of love. “so that
no because by other letter” [sic]
Yes, there are many boys and even girls who destroy each other’s lives.
But may such a condition not exist between you and me. From me it will
not be at all, trust me, but what there will be from you depends on you alone.
Let neither of us between us do the sort of thing that would be a blow to the
other’s “prestige.”
Life is awaiting those who love truly. Therefore, Sarita, the connection
between you and me is getting closer and closer. Let’s wait. Certainly,
separation won’t occur after a union has been created. Therefore, let’s keep
making an effort to lengthen the true road. Certainly, we will create a sign of
success. May our love reach a place where we can in our lives overthrow any
difficulties that arrive and obtain success. Such are the feelings of mind
between lovers.
Sarita, with this letter is a photo. Put it away with extreme secrecy. It’s not
that good. Still, I’m giving it to you under compulsion. You have to give me a
passport-sized photo, you know. All right, Sarita, I certainly won’t deceive
you, but don’t refuse to talk out of shyness. In letters you use very literary
[i.e., standoffish] words, but make an effort to change that habit. It’s getting
to be exam time. Make an effort to study really hard. Everything else will be
fine because “student life is the very poare” [sic]. That’s all for today. Again,
until a future time, goodbye.
Staying in your imagination,
“B. B.”
VVV
b6 invitations to love
Letter #6
[No date. This letter was in fragments, worn from having been read so often
and from having gotten wet.]
[PAGE 1:]
. . . feeling this way, I’ll etch out two or four words.
Sarita, how many different things I’ve written to you, and yet you still
don’t trust me, do you? I can’t understand why you’ve made fun of me
because in relation to “Love” I have no knowledge about anything. I can’t
discern your heart/mind’s feelings. The reason for this is that even though
we’ve exchanged many letters about our “Love,” we still haven’t talked
verbally. In every letter I write that we should sit in a deserted place some
time and make clear our real feelings about life. But you haven’t paid any
attention to this suggestion in any letter. Also, the day before yesterday you
went to see the film only out of obligation, and you wouldn’t agree to
anything else, either.
Sarita, if you think such things about me, it will be a great sin. In my
whole life my heart/mind probably hasn’t suffered so much. The stuff in my
“English note” notebook—the four or six lines about a love letter, or about
marriage—that letter was written by a “Teacher” from my village. He
requested permission to marry a girl there, it seems. The girl’s father and
mother didn’t like him. Maybe the girl didn’t, either. The girl’s older brother
said they’d give her away only after looking into the boy’s earnings and
wealth. The brother went to that village and . . .
[PAGE 2:]
. . . [your] having written such a thing amazed me. That Brahman girl
[the one who told Sarita about the entry in his English notebook] can’t
understand Magars. That you should have made such a terrible thing out of
such a small matter—forget it. There’s nothing else to say. I don’t even know
that girl, never mind saying anything about “Love”! In the end, the teacher
didn’t marry that one; he married someone else. That’s all there is to this
matter. Trust me, Sarita, this is only the first time in my life that I have loved
anyone, and it’s you alone. I certainly want it to get better and better. In the
end, if you don’t make an effort to forget me or to deceive me, you alone will
be my “Life friend.” I will definitely marry you if you agree to do so. Yes, I
also trust that you won’t deceive me, but what’s in your heart/mind depends
on you alone.
Sarita, the reason I said I gave you my photo only under compulsion was
because it’s a little bad, not because I didn’t want to give it to you.
appendix b b7
Sarita, let’s both make clear to each other in a trusting manner the
matters of our heart/minds. And let no one have a “mood change.” My
“Habit” is to continue with an action once it’s started and to worry about it.
Why shouldn’t I worry? My habit is to quit it only after it’s complete. Why
shouldn’t someone make a difficult request of me? I’ll make an effort and
with competence will obtain success.
I have complete trust in this.
[PAGE 3:]
If you really . . .
you are awaiting, then your . . .
there are your older brothers and sisters . . .
I have forgotten. Or if you really . . .
Again, our studies, too, will be disturbed . . .
after taking “2nd year” exams, we’ll do it . . .
we’ll do it. I’ll . . . the second year . . .
nor having requested permission properly, to marry . . .
the kind where they go along with it; otherwise . . .
no one can find fault.
Our age also isn’t that . . .
to marry so quickly also . . .
Wait, Sarita; I’ll ...you ...
I won’t . . . Yes, Sarita, I, too,...
I keep floundering . . .
thinking of . . . our own bright future . . .
families . . .
[PAGE 4:]
. . . going to do it
. . . I don’t care about girls
. . . you trust; rather,
. . . I won’t be able to trust, either
. . . it seems.
. . . relation is my decision
...Write ...without being shy because
. . . to be shy these days with me
. . . is there, if on campus
. . . after marrying you, what
. . . I certainly won’t deceive you
. . . Try to . . . these things
. . . if you feel . . . All right, Sarita, I
. . . trusting in you fully
. . . if you have honor and
b8 invitations to love
. . . All right, Sarita, one day some
. . . I’ll do it . . . Only in letters. . . the whole
. . . if you’re bored by it, rip it up
. . . I await . . .
VVV
Letter #7
Date: 2049/4/5
Morning, at a peaceful time
Because past memories of
you keep tormenting me
Dear Sarita,
With daily remembrances, boundless love!
In particular: There actually wasn’t any reason to write, except that I can’t
forget past memories of you either day or night. What to do? The human
condition causes one to be coerced into performing difficult actions in order
to achieve success. Therefore, if there is a complete action to do for a
particular condition, unless one makes an effort to stretch out that work, it
will certainly be unsuccessful, and others as well.
Therefore, Sarita, when your and my relationship, or “love,” had its
“state” [i.e., start], from that day on I have been conducting our dialogue
with full trust in you, and until the very end of my life with trust in you I
will not make an amusement out of love. I had trust at that time when you
didn’t trust fully, but I have reached a condition such that if you passed your
life with someone other than me I would accept it with suffering if that is
what you want. Sarita, how do you feel about this? But I already consider
you to be my life friend; I’m keeping you in my heart. My life friend is none
other than you, and yours is none other than me. In other words, let’s both
have feelings of trust. It’s only because I want you that I’ve sent you letters
through [the grace of the god] Ram. I already knew about your familial and
domestic relations; it was only your “careter” [i.e., character] that I didn’t
know. If I had been intending to “love” only for entertainment and “time
pass” [i.e., to pass the time], I wouldn’t have given you my correct “address”
and I wouldn’t have described my family relations correctly. Trust me. If you
also love truly and only because you want me, then don’t attempt to start a
relationship with anyone other than me. Also, even if you have restricted
appendix b b9
yourself to a momentary love, then I will be compelled to say “O.K.” I really
trust you—actually, what talk has there been, after all? Only from your
letters have we gotten to know each other truly. I just won’t start a
relationship with anyone other than you; if it works out well, I’ll just wait
for you. There’s no proposal [from my parents] for me to get married at
present; when my older brother marries, then they’ll make a proposal. I
intend to marry boldly on my own. But if your father and mother propose
to give you to a rich, handsome boy and you don’t consult me you’ll commit
a great crime. Remember this well. These days a marriage certainly won’t
take place without conversation between the boy and girl. Conditions used
to be such that when a daughter’s father and mother gave her away in
marriage, she was forced to go. But under today’s conditions, the law doesn’t
allow this, and it’s against the law. These things you know as well because
you’re not uneducated. If you have a strong wish, no one can interfere
contrary to it. Sarita, there’s no connection between good and bad for me. A
“simple” sort of girl suits me, and you’re “simple.” Because it always seems to
me that I’m “simple.” I’m fed up with today’s changing “fashions” and “stale”
[i.e., styles], not because I can’t follow these “fashions” but because I’m sick
of seeing them. The difference between rich and poor is distinguished not by
“fashion” but by character and conduct. Sarita, drinking and smoking aren’t
good. Yes, I also know that up to now in what I have spoken and written to
you there are no lies. I only use chewing tobacco, and even that I can quit.
Yes, Sarita, boys are like that. They’ve probably written you “love letter[s]”
without restricting either truths or falsehoods. There’s nothing in that.
Either you didn’t have the desire to accept them or they clearly went
elsewhere after a short time. How would I know? A person who hasn’t done
this wouldn’t know. This is just the first time I have written a “record” of a
“letter.” Even so, which……you accept depends on you alone. But my love is
real, so may there be no deception for sure. I will be waiting. Saying this, I
beg leave to go for today. Again in another letter we will be fully united.
Saying this, I close this little letter here. Sarita, if I have written mistaken or
unrefined things, remember my ignorance and forgive me.
Your
Bir Bahadur
“O.K. by”
VVV
b10 invitations to love
Letter #8
Date: 2049/4/8
Dear Sarita, from B. B. heartfelt and boundless love.
In particular: There is really no news that must be written; only because
of past memories of you am I putting sense into a few words. I’m not the
only one who should trust; you should trust me, too, and believe that I won’t
deceive you. Sarita, I also know that they shouldn’t find out in our section. In
case you and I become weak, it’s because of that backward old-fashioned
reason. There’s no question that they shouldn’t find out, but often they
already know, but they can’t say. While giving a “letter,” don’t take it carefully
out of your book or notebook. Yesterday they saw it. Two boys were watching
you take it out at that time. Later I forgot and went outside, and they had the
opportunity to look at it. Why should you have given it to me yourself, why?
Between two people who love each other there is not existence possible from
just “letter[s].” Actual knowledge must also be verbal. Your shy “hebite” [i.e.,
habits] are a blow. Change a little bit. Even more than the boys in our section,
outsiders like my and your families—if they find out about this at home, then
I won’t be allowed to study here next year; they’ll transfer me. Sarita, in the
future don’t write things such as, “So many boys have written me letters, but I
didn’t go along with them!” Fine, you didn’t go along with them—either you
didn’t wish to or else they or you broke up after only a short time. It depends
only on you. In this matter, “no consold” [i.e., I’m not consoled? Sarita did
not understand this phrase when we went over the letter together.]. What I
want is for the relationship between you and me to be clear. May the
difficulties that occur in the future not last. Also, I’m surviving in the hope of
a successful love. What to do, Sarita? Now, I tried many times to suggest that
we write letters a little less often and meet in person instead because if we
meet every day we can write less often. The reason I called out to you at 3:00
was that only the thirsty one drinks. Because I didn’t know that your “uncle”
and younger cousin-brothers were there and will come there from now on,
forgive me. I didn’t call out to you in words suggesting a love relationship or
a relationship of dishonor. Never mind. Between people who love each other
there will certainly be unconscious mistakes because we’re human. Sarita, the
boys who wrote the letters aren’t in our section, are they……? In that case, if
you accepted my letter under unconscious circumstances, then the love
between us in our relationship isn’t under mature circumstances, is it……? I
can’t understand your true feelings; you illuminate some things clearly, while
others are unclear. Since this is the first time I have loved, I can’t understand
such roundabout words because I don’t have the experience. Some girls are
even the kind whose appearance is such that they deliver a shock to a
appendix b b11
